Instability

I feel like a big baby caving in like this, but... I don't know. Ever since my biggest client has needed me MUCH less (significantly affecting my paycheck and my job certainty) and ever since I owed a gajillion dollars on my federal taxes and ever since I am such a big procrastinator and enjoy playing way too much to get any work done... ever since all THAT, I've just been thinking a little more and more about going back to a regular job. I don't know. I LOVE freelancing but it's haaaaaaaaaaard. Yes, that was said with a big, whiney voice. And you have to sell yourself endlessly, and I haaaaaate that. And you don't have a team to work with, and strangely enough, I miss that. Well, I've never really had a good team to work with in a professional setting, but I still - naively maybe - believe that such a thing exists. That you can actually be professionally supported at work and feel valued and get stuff done within reasonable guidelines! I would absolutely love to be given realistic amounts of time and space to produce good work. My former workplace did not allow this, and I don't know why I didn't foresee this, but starting your own business doesn't allow this. Someone told me the other day that it takes 2 to 3 years to establish yourself professionally. Gahh!! I mean in an independent contractor type way. That is forever-long. I don't even THINK in 2 or 3 year terms.

So, should I go back to working for the man? There are definitely pros and definitely cons. It's just that what I am doing now is serious risk-taking and I don't know if I am cut out for it. It's funny that none of this really occurred to me until now... maybe it's just fear. Who knows. I have absolutely no idea where I will be (job-wise) 6 or 12 or 24 months from now.