Craig's list is a constant source of joy

Micah, I see why Wonkette has so much fun with Craig's List. This is a great one from the Raleigh site. Thank you, funny stranger, for making me laugh. (By the way, if you weren't sure, this is a personal ad from a man seeking a woman.)

The Da Vinci Code and other weird bibicial findings

You've read the book and seen the movie, frankly if Da Vinci had that much time on his hands more power to him but I'm aware the real secrets lie with the templar knights because I hold the family templar crest, it's basically bred into you like a cat is genetically bred to hunt so if you don't get that well maybe we'd have to discuss it. However that's not what I'm here to mention today, what I'm here for is to find a research assistant would jump down the quantum rabbit hole with me and turn this little reality on it's ear because I've recently discovered after watching several old trading spaces shows and extreme home make over that the anti christ could be ty pennington. Yes that's right hottie carpenter extrodinare could be the son of evil.

The evidence is he's wealthy, great looking, helps others less fortunate, can build anything, and can assemble the masses, and most of all is highly trusted. OMG does it get any clearer than that??? I'm certain that when he gets into policticing that he'll tray to build some dang temple and hey I'm not even going to get into the Red Bull theory because I'm not wishing to start a end of days frenzy here but I will say under that head of hair mr Ty sports is the numbers 666 and we're going to find it and expose him to the world for the evil that he is, you with me? drop a line and we can go over the details in my grem free self contained end of days secure storm shelter.

How NOT to handle rejection

If you have like 5 or 10 minutes and you want to laugh, check this out.

It is the real-life, very recent story of Darren Sherman. It is complete with not only narrative, but actual audio clips of voice mails he left for Joanne - a girl who did not take him up on a second date. If you have time, listen to all of it.

Thanks again to Liz for this. Hah!

The very special driver

Wow, it only gets better:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: donotreply@youareveryspecial.com
Date: Aug 3, 2006 11:00 PM
Subject: You are very special
To: liz

Liz,

You and I are going out for a romantic meal at a remote restaurant in the middle of a wind-swept desert. I ask you to drive my sports car for me, so I can have a drink or two with my dinner. That makes you the designated driver. The very special driver.

What do you mean that you want a drink too?

Speciweshispecial

HAH! Thank you, Liz, for this.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

From: donotreply@youareveryspecial.com
Date: Jul 30, 2006 11:00 PM
Subject: You are very special
To: liz

Liz,

I'm sorry to have to say this, but you are speciweshispecial. Yes you are! Yes you are!

That probably embarrassed us both, but it had to be said.

--------

This message has been sent to you by youareveryspecial.com

Constant proof God loves us

"We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy."
(Benjamin Franklin)

"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more."
(Proverbs 31:6-7)

"Writing in my sixty-fourth year, I can truthfully say that since I reached the age of discretion I have consistently drunk more than most people would say is good for me. Nor did I regret it. Wine has been for me a firm friend and a wise counsellor. Often...wine has shown me matters in their true perspective, and has, as though by the touch of a magic wand, reduced great disasters to small inconveniences. Wine has lit up for me the pages of literature, and revealed in life romance lurking in the commonplace. Wine has made me bold but not foolish; has induced me to say silly things but not to do them."
(Duff Cooper, Old Men Forget)

"What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning with infininite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?"
(Isak Dineson)

"Wine can of their wits the wise beguile,
Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile."
(Homer, The Odyssey)

Smart

Yep. Definitely just got a new credit card in the mail, activated it, and proceeded to shred... the NEW one. Doh!