Love is greater than faith

You know how the banner of the Reformation was "saved by grace through faith" ? Sola Fide... faith alone. Not by works but by faith. Yada, yada, yada. (Hehe I saw the Seinfeld "yada" episode last night. That's a good one.)

Anyway, I've just been thinking a lot about love lately.

But now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.
(1 Cor. 13:13)

The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
(Galatians 5:6)

And it's just funny to me that we put so much stock in faith... so much faith in faith, really. When God has said pretty clearly, over and over, in story and even directly, that what really matters more than anything is love.

The greatest commandment is this: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.
(Deuteronomy 6:5)

Not to have soul-saving faith, not to have correct theology (we'll be lucky if 2% of our theology is right, in my estimation), not to pray the right prayer... but the greatest commandment is to love the Great God of the Universe, the Maker of all things both seen and unseen, that Great Artist and Amazing Lover

And the second is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself.
(Mark 12:31)

You could say faith is a necessary first step to loving. You might call me crazy but I would say love makes faith almost irrelevant. It's no longer even a question of faith. Love overshadows the whole faith issue.

I get along very well with people who understand faith as something that is only real when it is felt or expressed as love. I think Jesus liked those people, too -

Now one of the Pharisees invited Jesus to have dinner with him, so he went to the Pharisee's house and reclined at the table. When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee's house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.

When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is—that she is a sinner."

Jesus answered him, "Simon, I have something to tell you."

"Tell me, teacher," he said.

"Two men owed money to a certain moneylender. One owed him five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. Neither of them had the money to pay him back, so he canceled the debts of both. Now which of them will love him more?"

Simon replied, "I suppose the one who had the bigger debt canceled."

"You have judged correctly," Jesus said.

Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little."

Then Jesus said to her, "Your sins are forgiven."

The other guests began to say among themselves, "Who is this who even forgives sins?"

Jesus said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you; go in peace."

(Luke 7)

Okay so he used the word faith at the end... hehe maybe my grand point isn't adding up. Hmmm I wonder if I could pull out some Greek and prove he used a special faith word that means love. Phil, can ya help me out? lol

Well let me just leave you with this one...

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.

If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Paradox

I am a paradox. Introverted and extroverted? That is just the beginning.

I'm

• sacred and profane
• reverent and indifferent/casual
• sincere and deceitful
• certain but doubtful
• creative but severely limited
• loving but jealous and fearful
• forgiving and resentful
• and the list goes on forever. Whatever good might be said of me, whatever of God might be found inside of me, is countered with something that negates it.

We're starting to share our testimonies as a community. My testimony - the story of my spiritual life - is this totally roundabout, cyclical, circular, nonsensical thing.

I realized that from hearing Curt share his story. Curt is very linear. Everything evolved in time in a linear way. He understood more of God, bit by bit. It's like God keeps taking him down this path. Farther up and further in...

Not me. I mean I have this moment in my history... April 6, 1998... when everything changed. I do know that much. I can question what exactly happened that night, but I unquestionably know that it set my entire life on a particular course.

But ever since then I kind of just go in circles. The good way for me to look at it is that I do know who God is essentially. Is there more of Him to know? Obviously yes. Obviously I know like 0.0000001 percent of God. But I know he is Love, so that takes me really far. I know He is not just a He... this God is also reflected in women. In fact, I would say this God is as much "woman" as "man," and so that tells me tons about God. I could go on about these big things that I know, not just in my mind but in my spirit, to be true of God. So that makes me feel like the going in circles is okay... after all, it's probably a good thing that you aren't in total shock discovering something new about a person all the time. It shows you know that person.

But I guess I just feel like I've been at an impasse with God for many years. I understand why people long for mystical communion. It's like finally consummating the marriage... but is there an enjoyment, a consummation, that can go on right now? Is it a church meeting? Am I being impatient? I'm sure I am. I know that our start-up meetings are not going to be super glorious. At the same time, I hate even saying that because it shows I am waiting for some later time, rather than encountering God right now.

What can I expect from God? I am living communally and intentionally, yes, but also very much as a 21st century individualist and a consumer. What makes the way I've organized my life and prepared my heart any different from others? And does this even have anything to do with how God meets me, or am I fooling myself to think I can prepare the way and have better chances?

What do I expect communion with God to look like and feel like? Do I think I'm going to like lose my mind-body control or have my spirit expand with joy until it explodes? I don't really know what it's supposed to be like. I only know that my restlessness seemed justified in the organized church. Here in the land of disorganization, I hope and pray that I can be content with encountering God in people and in everyday circumstances. Maybe I can even start to see restlessness as a gift or at least, as God stirring.

Love came and we were all afraid

I am still running
Oh, I am still running
Running from the knowledge
That eye, that love

Oh, I am still running
I am still running
Running from the knowledge
From which there's no refuge

For you meant only love - and loved
And I felt only fear and pain

So once in Israel
LOVE CAME
And we were all afraid.

("Still Running," eastmountainsouth)

I know I've blogged about this song before. I just like it. So take that.

I'm at a bakery-cafe in Northern Virgina and SOMETHING AMAZING just came out of the ovens... smells like toffee and brown sugar and everything wonderful. Yummm. It's cold and it's rainy and I love it.

So I think I may drive back to Raleigh tonight, depending upon whether Liz will surface or not.

Singleness... good for now

In some ways, I like being single now more than I ever have before. I am more independent and more introverted than I ever have been. I think becoming a freelancer and living alone have helped me come into my own... not that it's helped me grow as a person, but it has helped me become comfortable with who I already am. I even feel this special connection with God when I am alone. It is amazing to me that the same God who was present when I was a baby at birth, is the same God who is with me right now, and will be with me when I take my last breath and die in old age (hopefully that's the time). There's something so amazingly familiar and intimate and SECRET about the way this God knows me! I usually HATE the word 'secret' when applied to the Lord, but there really is something secret and hidden about my relationship with Him. I can be "bad" about conversing with this Lord or not doing what I "should" be doing or whatever... that can even go on for months... but the moment I whisper His name, He is there. (Even before.) He is sooooooo close. So we've established that I like singleness. It is a gift. This is, I believe, the first time I've concluded this.

At the same time, I really want to be in a relationship. I am taking a break from internet dating due to recent FREAKY circumstances, but... I would just like to say, I think I am a great catch. haha. And someday someone will find that out, and I will LOVE giving him everything I am (and expect no less from him). I didn't used to think I was a great catch but now I do. Jason, what you said about some guy somewhere sorting through all this "trash" to get to me... the same way I've been dealing with a lot of "trash" in the form of dishonest guys... that is really cool. That really inspires me. :) Thanks.

Anyway. My point is that I think all of this is unfolding in its own timing. I'm really thankful (in some ways) for singleness right now. I am encountering a loving God in it. He knows what he is doing.

You know what, let me just add one more thing in that regard. I came to Raleigh not to have a great commercial writing career, but to be a part of a community... a church. It was one of the easiest decisions of my entire life because all my life circumstances came together to make it a clear and easy choice. It was really beautiful. Well I was at a conference a week or two ago, and the speaker was going on about how friendly Raleigh is to entrepreneurs... how there is a fresh entrepreneurial spirit here. I was sort of jotting down notes from the speaker and I think I wrote down - wow, Lord... you have a plan don't you? You really know what you are doing with me. I almost cried with how loved and cared for I felt at that moment. He is making everything come together in the right timing.

He knows what he is doing with each of us... he knows us.

You're what I need

Drew gave me a few worship CDs to borrow. They have a great version of this song... and by great I mean totally normal and downplayed and beautiful.

You are the fountain of my life
And in your light I find my reason
Cause your love reaches to the stars, even the great deep
And your love reaches to this heart, and makes me sing

Your love reaches me
It's what I need, it's what I need
Your love reaches me
It's what I need, it's what I need.

Oh Lord, how priceless is your unending love!
Both high and low find refuge in your shadow!

Less answers, more God

"I hope you’ll go home and read your Bible. I always find it interesting all the people who read the Bible so they can find answers. And just about every time in my life that I have ever found an answer, if I went back and read the Bible, it would blow it out of the water. So I’ve given up trying to find answers in the Bible, and I’m learning to look in there for the weirdest character of all of them. And that would be God Almighty himself. He’s bizarre from our whole point of view – that someone could be so totally other and so completely by himself… and yet he could want us badly enough that he would become like us in order to help us become like Him.

If you want a religion that makes sense, I suggest something other than Christianity. But if you want a religion that makes life, then I think this is the one."

(Rich Mullins)

I may have posted this before, but I just found it again. This is why Rich Mullins is, yes, my hero.

Constant proof God loves us

"We hear of the conversion of water into wine at the marriage in Cana as of a miracle. But this conversion is, through the goodness of God, made every day before our eyes. Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, and which incorporates itself with the grapes, to be changed into wine; a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy."
(Benjamin Franklin)

"Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts. Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more."
(Proverbs 31:6-7)

"Writing in my sixty-fourth year, I can truthfully say that since I reached the age of discretion I have consistently drunk more than most people would say is good for me. Nor did I regret it. Wine has been for me a firm friend and a wise counsellor. Often...wine has shown me matters in their true perspective, and has, as though by the touch of a magic wand, reduced great disasters to small inconveniences. Wine has lit up for me the pages of literature, and revealed in life romance lurking in the commonplace. Wine has made me bold but not foolish; has induced me to say silly things but not to do them."
(Duff Cooper, Old Men Forget)

"What is man, when you come to think upon him, but a minutely set, ingenious machine for turning with infininite artfulness, the red wine of Shiraz into urine?"
(Isak Dineson)

"Wine can of their wits the wise beguile,
Make the sage frolic, and the serious smile."
(Homer, The Odyssey)

A song for the church

Yesterday I went down by the Neuse River waterfall for the first time. It's really not that pretty. lol Especially because it's all flooded, muddy, and bug-infested right now. But it's a little secluded so that was perfect. I needed some quiet time, and ended up sort of... writing a first song.

Now I don't think this is that great, but I'm not trying to judge it as good or bad. It's just born out of a feeling that I've been away from God, but coming back is immediate. (In fact I think all of us in Raleigh have felt that way, at least from conversations I've had.) It's funny to feel distant from the Lord, and yet you call on Him and it's like.. you're lying in bed with a lover you forgot was there, you know? He never left, he is that close. And the whole concept of waiting on Him has always been a paradox for me. Waiting is not ceasing movement. So, here, without the melody that's in my head, is my heart:

Waiting

You're always waiting on us
With a quiet belief
That those who find their life in You
Will return in heart and let their wandering cease

You wait for endless days
You make your welcoming love known
And though we feel so desperate, lost, and confused
Your presence makes sure we are never alone

(Chorus)
So, Lord, we wait on You
As you have asked us to do
Come fill our souls with love, peace, and calm
Fill us, Lord, with nothing less than You.

And as your broken child returned
Weary and longing for home
You ran to meet him on that long road
For you, Lord, waiting is running to your own

(Chorus)
So, Lord, we run to You
As you have asked us to do
Come fill our souls with love, peace, and calm
Fill us, Lord, with nothing less than You.

BC, BCE, AD, and CE

Wow. It seems Wikipedia users have officially transitioned from using "BC" and "AD." It's now always BCE (Before the Common Era) and CE (Common Era).

I don't care if they take down the 10 Commandments and ban prayer from schools and stuff like that. I don't care if they take "In God We Trust" off the money (what do God and money have to do with each other?). But this does make me a little sad. lol Seriously though. Actually it makes me feel old more than anything. Education has made some big changes just since I was in the system a few years ago!

But I do understand why they changed it. I mean, it's kinda strange to profess faith in the Messiah just by referencing a particular year in history.

Speaking of calendars, apparently our western, solar Gregorian calendar is not very great. The whole leap year thing should tell us that. According to my Dad, the Mayan Calendar is where it's at. He thinks if we used that, not only would the calendar be much more simple, but we'd have a much better rhythm to our lives. Faaaascinating. :)

Playing God

If you don't know who Warren Buffett is, (well first of all, where have you been?) he is the third.. or maybe second.. wealthiest person in the world. (Yes, Micah, wealth as measured by $$$ ! Not natural resources. :)

This is the greatest article ever. Read the thing in full and be very happy. Now I realize that he's not exactly giving sacrificially. The guy is a billionaire. But there's still something so inspiring about the article:

Buffett Gives Away 85% of his fortune ($37.5 Billion)

It's interesting that Buffett and Bill Gates are turning their attention to charitable matters. Part of me says that's so cool. The other part of me says, it's about time. Spending on yourself gets old pretty fast, "particularly," as he says in the article, "when 6 billion others have much poorer hands than we do in life." I mean, it really only takes a finite amount of money to take care of your own needs. Even your WANTS, in my opinion, have a finite cap to where if you pass it, it just gets ridiculous.

I just always assumed he was a stingy, insulated, crumpedy old man. In this case, I am sooo glad to be wrong.

I read a couple weeks ago that the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation recently gave $5 million to IJM to fight sex trafficking. That is pretty cool.

Imagine being able to dole out huge amounts of resources like that... It's like playing God, right? When we say playing God, we usually mean tinkering with issues of life and death in ways that we have no right to. But when playing God means giving generously and extravagantly, in order to meet human need, and to give hope where there is only desperation and fear... now that's the kind of playing God I can get behind. Hah. That's the kind of expressing God that, to some degree, the Church is free to do.

And no, it's not about the money. While money is remarkably helpful, there's something we can give that's much better, believe it or not. I'll let you consider what that is for yourself.

A special time

There is a special time - literally, a series of numbers on the clock - that when I see them, I feel a sense of peace. I don't want to disclose the specific time, it would be like spilling a secret... though I'm sure I've told some people. But it's like my own personal rainbow covenant with God, you know? How you can see something ordinary and be reminded that everything is gonna be okay? I think what happened a couple years ago is I just kept always looking at the clock when it was at that time, both AM and PM, and it got to the point where I'm like - this can't be coincidence. So maybe I am superstitious. Okay, I can deal with that. But I love my reminder and I got it today...

Which is good cause I'm feeling depressed today. I'll be totally fine but I don't know... just feeling down and stuff. I will come out of it very soon. I'm listening to "Baby It's Cold Outside" (Ella Fitzgerald), "This One's for the Girls" (Martina), and "Life is a Highway" (the remake by Rascal Flatts). Music therapy... :) it is mostly working, too. Music is amazing. I can workout TWICE as long with the right music, I'm not even kidding. I thought of that the other day. It's literally true. Doubling your capacity just from the power of music is pretty amazing. Or, just talking to Amanda, that works pretty well too :) We've been able to work out together more recently. Last night we went to spinning class with a hard rocker! The guy planned heavy rock the whole time. lol Pretty different from the other teacher who plays... ooh baby when you talk like that, you make a woman go mad... Shakira, Shakira... my hips don't lie... listen to my body... lalala... lol

Loud music

I'll let this crazy, talked-up ipod issue die, but I need to say one last thing:

There is nothing like listening to music really loud on your ipod. There just isn't. The sound quality is SO GOOD! You can get lost your own sonic universe (while forfeiting your future ability to HEAR things, yes, but it's worth it...)

It sounded amazing before, but maybe it's just that now, having lost and found it, the sound is even fuller and sweeter and better and less... granted.

And, to all you modern country music haters out there (you know who you are), groups like Rascal Flatts are the best for moments like this. Lots of bass, really clear vocals... ohhh yes.

I really love singing along to something so loud that I can almost not even hear myself. You know, that would frighten someone from ancient times. HA. I wonder what people did back then... the people that today love hard rock and moshing and thrashing around and blasting the bass as loud as possible. Surely those people existed pre-electricity... what did they do? Or people that love adventure sports today... maybe it's that daily life was filled with much more adventure back then? More opportunities for risk, love, and bloodshed. Would they think we are insulated from adventure, or far more adventurous and fast? What parts of our lives would they be sad to have missed out on (restaurants, washing machines, email possibly) and what parts would they just feel pity for us about (loneliness and separation, housing payments, lights that extend our work day long beyond daylight)?

Hmmm... makes me want to be fully alive. When have I, when do I feel most alive? Why is loud music a kind of therapy? Why is getting lost in loud music the same sort of escape as getting lost in a movie, or even lucid dreaming?

Oh, you know what? It's the same sort of emotional high you get singing your heart out at a mega-church worship service. Or is it the same? I kinda miss that, to be honest. Maybe it comes down to expression. Or communication. I like mega-church worship (quit it, you instituational church-haters!)... but I do, I like it because I can be totally anonymous before God. Well that's ironic and false... anonymous before God... ha... I mean anonymous before people and totally known WITH GOD. This is the most rambling, crazy blog entry ever. I am going to get back to actual writing at some point.

Anonymous before God. That, my friends, is an oxymoron. I am going to have to name my first book or my first child that. Of course if a child gets the name, I'll translate it to Hebrew or something. :)

Morning Rain

It's dark and pouring rain. It was really hard to get up this morning...

I thought I had more to say but really just the rain. It is speaking for itself today.

Jesus in New Orleans

The last time I saw Jesus
I was drinking bloody marys in the South
In a barroom in New Orleans
Rinsin' out the bad taste in my mouth

She wore a dark and faded blazer
With a little of the lining hanging out
When the jukebox played Miss Dorothy Moore
I knew that it was him without a doubt

I said the road is my redeemer
I never know just what on earth I'll find
In the faces of a stranger
In the dark and weary corners of a mind

She said, The last highway is only
As far away as you are from yourself
And no matter just how bad it gets
It does no good to blame somebody else

Ain't it crazy
What's revealed when you're not looking all that close
Ain't it crazy
How we put to death the ones we need the most

I know I'm not a martyr
I've never died for anyone but me
The last frontier is only
The stranger in the mirror that I see

But when I least expect it
Here and there I see my savior's face
He's still my favorite loser
Falling for the entire human race



words: Bergquist and Detweiler
music: Bergquist
recording: OHIO