Words to sing

No guilt in life
No fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me

From life's first cry
To final breath
Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell
No scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from his hand

Till he returns
Or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I stand.

This 4th verse has been my favorite part of a song for several weeks now. I can't totally explain why but singing the song is giving me words to say something I couldn't figure out how to say on my own. Nothing, not even hell's evil scheming within me, is going to change God's love. I've been feeling defeated so much lately. It's too easy to feel defeated when really defeat is a totally different thing for us. We're never defeated. And the defeat we do feel is more like surrender (hopefully!). Which is something I keep seeing in movies lately. Everyone seems to understand the power of reaching your end point and crying out in total helplessness. Something is essentially human about that.

I went to a party tonight at Lisa's apartment. It was fun, we mostly just played cards and braved the cold wind on the balcony. What was different was the age of the group... average in their 30s! Kinda weird for this 23 year old but they were fun. One guy was totally like Kramer and even kept a straight face when he said hilarious things. That was entertaining. Why is going to a party always so intimidating? I'm even a pretty outgoing person, but something about knowing you're gonna have to walk through a door and intelligibly interact with lots of strangers is pretty frightening. But it wasn't that bad, actually. PHew! That's what i was figuring so i went. Plus I had to give her back her keys. So there ya go.

I spent the day with my cousin, aunt and uncle. Leaving them is going to be the very hardest part of moving, I think. They are my family and will be hard (ok, impossible) to replace. Kinda makes me sad just thinking about it. But everything else in my life says MOVE so move I shall. I'm really excited. Freaked out from time to time, extremely so... but excited too.

Pretty much just uncontrollably switching between panic and sadness about leaving, to extreme joy and anticipation, to uncertainty, to hope, to...