More and more gray

The older I get, the more gray space there seems to be in the world. Or maybe it's just that I see it more for what it is. Or maybe it's actually black and white and my growing up and growing cynicism are making black and white things seem gray. But whatever is happening, I just find that the more I know, the more I can see things from both (or multiple) perspectives. My mind never feels like it has a grasp on a situation or a problem because there are so many layers to it. Take for example, a professional conflict that is occurring among my colleagues right now. I see both sides very clearly, to the extent of agreeing with both. (And don't think, oh I agree with person A about this point, and person B about that point. No. I agree with them both about the first point, and agree with them both about the second. Seeing it from their perspective, they are right.) I also see a third perspective that says the questions themselves are wrong, and even more obscurity clouds my view. I am cursed to this "the questions themselves are wrong" thinking from a class lecture once where we talked about "the powers and principalities of darkness" that control this age. It's not just that evil works through people or circumstances in a linear and identifiable way. It's that evil slowly and cleverly affects the entire system of the world (politics, relationships, communities, everything) so that the entire system itself is flawed.

In other words, instead of asking "are lazy people or lack of economic opportunity to blame for poverty?" ... maybe the answer is neither A nor B, but is rather "poverty is not the central problem i should be focusing on." Well that's a bad example, hmm. Or maybe the answer is "poverty is a myth" or "poverty betrays something basic about communities or people." This is a terrible example, but you see what I mean by asking the wrong question? Who cares who we blame - why are we even talking about it!

There is going to be no clean conclusion to this post because this seems to be my world now - no conclusions. That's the point: all is gray! What can a girl cling to that is pure black or pure white? Very little in this world meets that standard... whether it's a situation or a human heart.