Singleness... good for now

In some ways, I like being single now more than I ever have before. I am more independent and more introverted than I ever have been. I think becoming a freelancer and living alone have helped me come into my own... not that it's helped me grow as a person, but it has helped me become comfortable with who I already am. I even feel this special connection with God when I am alone. It is amazing to me that the same God who was present when I was a baby at birth, is the same God who is with me right now, and will be with me when I take my last breath and die in old age (hopefully that's the time). There's something so amazingly familiar and intimate and SECRET about the way this God knows me! I usually HATE the word 'secret' when applied to the Lord, but there really is something secret and hidden about my relationship with Him. I can be "bad" about conversing with this Lord or not doing what I "should" be doing or whatever... that can even go on for months... but the moment I whisper His name, He is there. (Even before.) He is sooooooo close. So we've established that I like singleness. It is a gift. This is, I believe, the first time I've concluded this.

At the same time, I really want to be in a relationship. I am taking a break from internet dating due to recent FREAKY circumstances, but... I would just like to say, I think I am a great catch. haha. And someday someone will find that out, and I will LOVE giving him everything I am (and expect no less from him). I didn't used to think I was a great catch but now I do. Jason, what you said about some guy somewhere sorting through all this "trash" to get to me... the same way I've been dealing with a lot of "trash" in the form of dishonest guys... that is really cool. That really inspires me. :) Thanks.

Anyway. My point is that I think all of this is unfolding in its own timing. I'm really thankful (in some ways) for singleness right now. I am encountering a loving God in it. He knows what he is doing.

You know what, let me just add one more thing in that regard. I came to Raleigh not to have a great commercial writing career, but to be a part of a community... a church. It was one of the easiest decisions of my entire life because all my life circumstances came together to make it a clear and easy choice. It was really beautiful. Well I was at a conference a week or two ago, and the speaker was going on about how friendly Raleigh is to entrepreneurs... how there is a fresh entrepreneurial spirit here. I was sort of jotting down notes from the speaker and I think I wrote down - wow, Lord... you have a plan don't you? You really know what you are doing with me. I almost cried with how loved and cared for I felt at that moment. He is making everything come together in the right timing.

He knows what he is doing with each of us... he knows us.