So I'm in Tecumseh, Kansas laying under my uncle's huge (15 foot?) Christmas tree. I woke up super early this morning to go on a cold walk with my Mom. She has been so committed to health lately, but she actually didn't want to go on the walk today. Apparently we don't have enough time before we meet some people for breakfast. Hmmpf! Oh well, it's kind of nice to see morning rising.
I've noticed something this Christmas season. It's not new, but it's worse and uglier than before. Every time I look at a newspaper ad, browse some online stores, or walk through the aisles of a mall store, I am thinking about one thing. It's not what I will get my mom, dad, brother, jess, or tom. (And believe me, I should be thinking about that: it's December 18 and I still haven't done my Christmas shopping!) No, it's not how I can give to others this season.
All I can think about is what I want. All I can process are my own thoughts of my own endless material desires. I have a long, specific list of things that I want... a new computer, clothes, kitchen gadgets, etc. I won't go on party because it's embarrassing, partly because I don't want anyone to feel compelled to get me anything on this list, and partly because I still want to get them without you knowing they were one of the wants I railed against in this post (evil, eh?).
It's shocking, actually, because I know that I already have significantly more possessions than one person could ever need. There's nothing I lack. NOTHING. Even when I do think of something I want, 9 times out of 10 it is to upgrade an item that I already own.
I realize when it comes to this, I'm a product of my culture - the era of supersizing, upgrading, and indulging in little luxuries. That's not necessarily evil, but the problem (as I see it) is indulging ourselves all the time. Living the lifestyle of indulgence. Letting the luxuries rule us until they are all we think about, all we desire.
It's really not just me either. I've had lots of talks with a couple of the guys in my life, and they too are desiring bigger and better toys. I've tried to counsel them to think about it less. I've shown them how their own lifestyles are really not that different from the people they so admire who have the big house, the nice car, and all the peripherals. But even as I say that, I go on wanting things myself.
I guess all of this is to be expected, but what I can't figure out, is how can a season so designed to FULFILL me, to remind me of my complete fulfillment in the tiny, amazing, unfathomable gift of a baby... how can this season actually leave me so empty, so full of worthless desires that consume me?
Sometimes, don't you wish we would just do away with the whole gift exchange? I like giving gifts as much as the next person, but we can't escape the reality that we do it now because we have to. We all say we are fine with getting nothing, yet we can't bear to give our loved ones nothing, so the cycle continues. Maybe Tom was right when he said we should celebrate Christmas every two years. Then we'd appreciate it much more.
You know what I despise more than the shopping rush leading up to Christmas Day? The only thing that bothers me more is December 26. I can understand preparing for the big day, but as soon it is past noon on Christmas Day, our thoughts already return to the stores and how much more crap we can accumulate if we get there early enough.
Corporate America has done a really excellent job of projecting our wants through megaphones... I for one can hear them loud and clear. My goal now is to let another voice in. This voice doesn't remind me what I want. Instead it tells me of the riches I already have. This voice doesn't create emptiness and longing where really there exists an overflowing cup. This not a trite saying for me... there really is an overflowing cup. I just... strangely... forget about it this time of year.
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3 comments:
I had a different response for this post, but it was starting to get ridiculously long, so let me ask you a couple of questions and try to get a little further into your mind.
1) When you find yourself with the desire to buy these items, what benefits (tangible or intangible) do you see yourself actually purchasing? For example, do you see yourself buying conversation pieces, efficiency, comfort, increased attractiveness, freedom, or security when you buy or want to buy these things? What do you see is at the root within your mind?
2) What are the thought processes like when you desire these items?
3) Can you conceive of yourself as actually having no desires for more possessions? What would you be like? Is this a state that you see as actually desirable for yourself or any other person?
Wow, great questions.
1. Hmm I guess each thing has a different benefit. New computer is definitely for efficiency (this one is getting slow) but also to have the visual benefit of a larger screen, the comfort of a desktop set up, etc. New clothes would be more for the emotional/psychological feeling I get when I look hot. hehe. Maybe another want would address ambiance in my apartment, things like that. It's for a better experience overall, I guess.
2. I have never been aware of any thought process behind it, so I guess your question is powerful rhetorically! I just see it and I ... MUST... HAVE IT! The precious. The only process is figuring out if I can afford it, if it's necessary, how I will compensate by giving away other things or by donating to charity, by saving time which enables me to do other things, by being able to be more hospitable to my guests, etc. But the wanting is automatic.
3. Not really. How can I be without desires in a country with so many BILLBOARDS?! So many commercials. So much crap. But you have made me want to think about this intentionally. What would it feel like and look like to truly be content? I feel like it is mostly desirable but I wouldn't want to quench desire TOTALLY because i feel like a little of it is healthy, especially as a human living on planet earth. To pretend I don't have wants would be... well, pretending. But to be consumed by wants, well that is just slavery.
What's my diagnosis? :)
I apologize for the time it took to diagnose your malady. It appears, Ms. Fredette, that you have a serious case of Occidentitis, otherwise known as Westoxification or Greedy American Syndrome (GAS). GAS is seen all year long, though we often see epidemics during the fall and early winter months. Symptoms include infestation of merchandising memes, overstimulation of desire without resolution, uncontrollable debt, mild to moderate intestinal cramping and nausea. Though not fatal, one's overall quality of life tends to be diminished, even as the sufferers do all that they can to improve it through reintroduction to the sources of infection, i.e. commercial media.
There is no known cure or vaccine. However, symptoms have been shown to diminish over time when distance is placed between the patient and the main sources of infection.
Merry Christmas!
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