Click right here, yes HERE!, to hear a recently recorded my brother's band (free energy). Thanks for helping me put this on here, Kyle!!
I told my brother this is the only song I received from his CD and he was very disappointed. Apparently this is not one of their best songs. haha. Well I'll put a different song up later.
Mike is the drummer.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
Blue Like Jazz
Last night I finished reading Blue Like Jazz, a book that my friend Susan sent me. I had such a hard time starting it, I don't know why - the writing style or something was a little off-beat to me. But I'm so glad I stuck with it because somewhere in the middle I began actually interacting with it.
It is really beautiful and is one of those books that you end in tears and prayer.
Why is it that when someone finally feels free enough to be honest about who they are, to totally let down and admit they they are unholy, that they fear they are unlovable, that their faith feels more like doubt... why is that so beautiful? I wish it didn't take us long, wasn't so rare, for us to reach that place.
Okay can I put some excerpts on here? I don't know if that's copyright infringement! Ahh! Let's hope not. Here's one part:
(Talking about finally starting to love someone he despised...)
"He was a great human being getting better. I could feel God's love for him. I loved the fact that it wasn't my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God's, that my part was just to communicate love and approval.
When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. The Bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you. I think that is very beauitful and true." - Donald Miller
That's the best explanation I've ever heard of:
- "speak the truth in love"
- "without love, i am nothing"
- ok i had a whole list but i forgot it. lol
Anyway, let's put a few more excerpts shall we ...
"I laid myself down on some grass and reached my hand directly out toward where? I don't know. There is no up and down. There has never been an up and down. Things like up and down were invented so as not to scare children, so as to reduce mystery to math." (p. 204)
Hahah :)
"We are too proud to feel awe and too fearful to feel terror. We reduce Him to math so we don't have to fear Him, and yet the Bible tells us fear is the appropriate response, that it is the beginning of wisdom." (p. 204)
>----<
"Loneliness is something that happens to us, but I think it is something we can move ourselves out of. I think a person who is lonely should dig into a community, give himself to a community, humble himself before his friends, initiate community, teach people to care for each other, love each other. Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. Loneliness is something that came with the fall.
If loving other people is a bit of heaven then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live." (p. 173)
>---<
"You cannot be a Chrisitan without being a mystic. I was talking to a homeless man at a laundry mat recently, and he said that when we reduce Christian spirituality to math we defile the Holy. I thought that was very beautiful and comforting because I have never been good at math. Many of our attempts to understand Christian faith have only cheapened it. I can no more understand the totality of God than the pancake I made for breakfast understands the complexity of me. The little we do understand, that grain of sand our minds are capable of grasping, those ideas such as God is good, God feels, God loves, God knows all, are enough to keep our hearts dwelling on His majesty and otherness forever." (p. 202)
Ok and with that, I'll stop. But go read the book so I don't get arrested by stealing text! I'll say it was simply free ad space provided here.
Speaking of breakfast, I just made a really, really good one. Strawberries, cranberry-orange scone, scrambled eggs, chicken/apple sausage, and orange juice! YUM. This is what Saturdays are for. I had my running thing this morning (we're doing a 5k in early July - woohoo) and we had to run in the raaaaaain! I mean it is really, really nasty out there. Miserable. Kind of beautiful cause the lake we run by was totally misted over. But running in it? Not cool!
It is really beautiful and is one of those books that you end in tears and prayer.
Why is it that when someone finally feels free enough to be honest about who they are, to totally let down and admit they they are unholy, that they fear they are unlovable, that their faith feels more like doubt... why is that so beautiful? I wish it didn't take us long, wasn't so rare, for us to reach that place.
Okay can I put some excerpts on here? I don't know if that's copyright infringement! Ahh! Let's hope not. Here's one part:
(Talking about finally starting to love someone he despised...)
"He was a great human being getting better. I could feel God's love for him. I loved the fact that it wasn't my responsibility to change somebody, that it was God's, that my part was just to communicate love and approval.
When I am talking to somebody there are always two conversations going on. The first is on the surface; it is about politics or music or whatever it is our mouths are saying. The other is beneath the surface, on the level of the heart, and my heart is either communicating that I like the person I am talking to or I don't. God wants both conversations to be true. That is, we are supposed to speak truth in love. If both conversations are not true, God is not involved in the exchange, we are on our own, and on our own, we will lead people astray. The Bible says that if you talk to somebody with your mouth, and your heart does not love them, that you are like a person standing there smashing two cymbals together. You are only annoying everybody around you. I think that is very beauitful and true." - Donald Miller
That's the best explanation I've ever heard of:
- "speak the truth in love"
- "without love, i am nothing"
- ok i had a whole list but i forgot it. lol
Anyway, let's put a few more excerpts shall we ...
"I laid myself down on some grass and reached my hand directly out toward where? I don't know. There is no up and down. There has never been an up and down. Things like up and down were invented so as not to scare children, so as to reduce mystery to math." (p. 204)
Hahah :)
"We are too proud to feel awe and too fearful to feel terror. We reduce Him to math so we don't have to fear Him, and yet the Bible tells us fear is the appropriate response, that it is the beginning of wisdom." (p. 204)
>----<
"Loneliness is something that happens to us, but I think it is something we can move ourselves out of. I think a person who is lonely should dig into a community, give himself to a community, humble himself before his friends, initiate community, teach people to care for each other, love each other. Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. Loneliness is something that came with the fall.
If loving other people is a bit of heaven then certainly isolation is a bit of hell, and to that degree, here on earth, we decide in which state we would like to live." (p. 173)
>---<
"You cannot be a Chrisitan without being a mystic. I was talking to a homeless man at a laundry mat recently, and he said that when we reduce Christian spirituality to math we defile the Holy. I thought that was very beautiful and comforting because I have never been good at math. Many of our attempts to understand Christian faith have only cheapened it. I can no more understand the totality of God than the pancake I made for breakfast understands the complexity of me. The little we do understand, that grain of sand our minds are capable of grasping, those ideas such as God is good, God feels, God loves, God knows all, are enough to keep our hearts dwelling on His majesty and otherness forever." (p. 202)
Ok and with that, I'll stop. But go read the book so I don't get arrested by stealing text! I'll say it was simply free ad space provided here.
Speaking of breakfast, I just made a really, really good one. Strawberries, cranberry-orange scone, scrambled eggs, chicken/apple sausage, and orange juice! YUM. This is what Saturdays are for. I had my running thing this morning (we're doing a 5k in early July - woohoo) and we had to run in the raaaaaain! I mean it is really, really nasty out there. Miserable. Kind of beautiful cause the lake we run by was totally misted over. But running in it? Not cool!
Friday, April 29, 2005
you're indecisive - just do a decision!
Why do we say "make a decision" rather than "do a decision" ? If you can decide, and that is something you do and not make, then shouldn't ___ing a decision be DOing a decision?
Is this dumb? haha.
Now I can say pointless things as they occur to me. Grand!
Is this dumb? haha.
Now I can say pointless things as they occur to me. Grand!
Revealed
Okay, I don't know if I can be a blogger. Does anyone else have this problem? Usually when I write something, I write for me, and so it's uncensored. When you come on here, you have to censor yourself a little. I'm all for transparency, but come on, you really cannot lay it all out there. How do you write a little of what matters but not everything? And isn't it kind of distancing when people are finding out about your life indirectly yet you never actually talk to them about it? You no longer know what people know about you.
And the other really challenging part is that in real life, I can control who sees what side of me. I am one way with my parents, and slightly different at work, and slightly different on a Friday night with friends, and slightly different on a Sunday afternoon with cousins, etc. Now I can hear you saying that's shady, shallow, etc. but I think it's just natural, mostly (not entirely, but mostly). Different people bring out different sides of you. Some people bring out what you consider your best side, some people have a way of bringing out the worst. Some people draw you out in honesty, almost like they're provoking you to clarity, to be true, while other people confuse you and you come away from time with them wondering who you are. I guess what I'm saying, is that it's risky to be one person all the time. I'm all for it but a little scared of it.
Even saying all this here makes me nervous. What's up with that?
Elicia just freaked me out about "I can't believe you said that in your blog!!" I was like what? Said what? OH NO WHAT DID I SAY!! She was just being a punk, it turned out :) but these are the things that scare me away from that which is the blog.
And the other really challenging part is that in real life, I can control who sees what side of me. I am one way with my parents, and slightly different at work, and slightly different on a Friday night with friends, and slightly different on a Sunday afternoon with cousins, etc. Now I can hear you saying that's shady, shallow, etc. but I think it's just natural, mostly (not entirely, but mostly). Different people bring out different sides of you. Some people bring out what you consider your best side, some people have a way of bringing out the worst. Some people draw you out in honesty, almost like they're provoking you to clarity, to be true, while other people confuse you and you come away from time with them wondering who you are. I guess what I'm saying, is that it's risky to be one person all the time. I'm all for it but a little scared of it.
Even saying all this here makes me nervous. What's up with that?
Elicia just freaked me out about "I can't believe you said that in your blog!!" I was like what? Said what? OH NO WHAT DID I SAY!! She was just being a punk, it turned out :) but these are the things that scare me away from that which is the blog.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
A Voice from the Past
OMG!osh. What in the world? All these crazy things are happening to me. It is just getting wild at this point. Someone from my past just emailed me out of nowhere. I guess she saw me at a Dept. of Labor meeting a couple weeks ago but couldn't talk cause I left early. Which is true. I left and went to the doctor, at which point I was diagnosed with labyrinthitis, which I have to say is the absolutely best and most relieving name to hear for recurrent dizziness.
But back to this email! Let's post it. We're into posting today so why not? I will censor the parts that may give too much information:
Hey!
I thought I recognized you the other day at the conference at the Department of Labor, but couldn't quite place you at first----then I realized that you were from camp!!!! I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you afterwards, but then you left early. How are you? How have you been? Did you get married? How long have you been in the DC area? It is so great that you are still working on children's issues! What do you do at __________? Do you ever go back to camp to visit? I really miss that place!! I went back the next summer after you were there and it was good, but that first summer really was the best!
I have been working on my master's at ___________ and will be finishing up next month (thank goodness!) I am interning at ____________ for now.... and will hopefully be staying on full-time after I graduate. It will be nice to just work for awhile--I'm looking forward to it. If you are in the area, it would be great to get together sometime and catch up! It was so nice to see you the other day---it's not often that you run into people from camp :) And it is such a special place.... I hope all is going well with you!
Take care,
__________
Isn't that just a cool surprise? Ok here's the bad part: since I didn't get to see or talk to her, I am having a hard time remembering! Ahh! I feel horrible.
That's okay, we are going to have a reunion soon and I feel that, at that point, I will be able to join along with Celine Dion in saying, "it's all coming back to me now!" lol :-P
But back to this email! Let's post it. We're into posting today so why not? I will censor the parts that may give too much information:
Hey!
I thought I recognized you the other day at the conference at the Department of Labor, but couldn't quite place you at first----then I realized that you were from camp!!!! I was hoping to get a chance to talk to you afterwards, but then you left early. How are you? How have you been? Did you get married? How long have you been in the DC area? It is so great that you are still working on children's issues! What do you do at __________? Do you ever go back to camp to visit? I really miss that place!! I went back the next summer after you were there and it was good, but that first summer really was the best!
I have been working on my master's at ___________ and will be finishing up next month (thank goodness!) I am interning at ____________ for now.... and will hopefully be staying on full-time after I graduate. It will be nice to just work for awhile--I'm looking forward to it. If you are in the area, it would be great to get together sometime and catch up! It was so nice to see you the other day---it's not often that you run into people from camp :) And it is such a special place.... I hope all is going well with you!
Take care,
__________
Isn't that just a cool surprise? Ok here's the bad part: since I didn't get to see or talk to her, I am having a hard time remembering! Ahh! I feel horrible.
That's okay, we are going to have a reunion soon and I feel that, at that point, I will be able to join along with Celine Dion in saying, "it's all coming back to me now!" lol :-P
Shouldn't be posting...
I so shouldn't be posting right now. I'm on a cross-country conference call for work. In fact, cross-continent because I just connected our guy from Monrovia, Liberia into the call, too. Although he is being really quiet so I keep thinking we lost him! Anyway I'm not expected to say much and know the agenda inside and out (more or less, lol), so hopefully it' s okay that I mentally check out for a minute!
So, Mike said I shouldn't stop blogging so here I am. Mike is this guy who lives in Atlanta and is a part of a house church community. I am someone who randomly (mind you, "randomly") came across his website and am now way too excited about the whole possibility in being involved in starting a house church community in Durham, North Carolina. If you want to learn more about it, click on over to this site: http://epurpose.org.
In a way, I totally believe in randomness and chance, and yet I believe God takes every one of those chance happenstance type crazy things and makes them good and even crazier by co-opting them into His plan. Is this good theology? Uhh. This may be unorthodox but oh well. I guess if I am willing to admit that He takes each free choice and wild circumstance and makes them His, then they might have been His - from Him - from the beginning.
But anyway, there's been a lot of randomness with the quotes in my life in the last five or ten years. I became a believer in Jesus through a friend I met on a "random" excite.com message board about rap music. [It led to a friendship, and a community, and a life-changing experience.] I joined a small, loving church in northern Minnesota through a "random" ad in a phone book. [I didn't know a single soul there, and went alone. My parents joined a couple years later.] I went to a college that I had only heard about through a "random" t-shirt that a girl I knew was wearing. [She hadn't even gone to that college, but it led to a great not to mention fun college experience.] Anyway I feel like I am saying it's all about me, and that's not the case - I just feel really loved and guided, even. It's crazy. God is good. He looks out for us. In fact, he looks into us (our hearts). In fact, He lives within us. Ahh! He is alive.
So, all this is to say, when something seems especially random and yet exceptionally good, I've been taught by experience to embrace it pretty quickly! It is freeing to live that way. It's almost foolish to live any other way.
So, Mike said I shouldn't stop blogging so here I am. Mike is this guy who lives in Atlanta and is a part of a house church community. I am someone who randomly (mind you, "randomly") came across his website and am now way too excited about the whole possibility in being involved in starting a house church community in Durham, North Carolina. If you want to learn more about it, click on over to this site: http://epurpose.org.
In a way, I totally believe in randomness and chance, and yet I believe God takes every one of those chance happenstance type crazy things and makes them good and even crazier by co-opting them into His plan. Is this good theology? Uhh. This may be unorthodox but oh well. I guess if I am willing to admit that He takes each free choice and wild circumstance and makes them His, then they might have been His - from Him - from the beginning.
But anyway, there's been a lot of randomness with the quotes in my life in the last five or ten years. I became a believer in Jesus through a friend I met on a "random" excite.com message board about rap music. [It led to a friendship, and a community, and a life-changing experience.] I joined a small, loving church in northern Minnesota through a "random" ad in a phone book. [I didn't know a single soul there, and went alone. My parents joined a couple years later.] I went to a college that I had only heard about through a "random" t-shirt that a girl I knew was wearing. [She hadn't even gone to that college, but it led to a great not to mention fun college experience.] Anyway I feel like I am saying it's all about me, and that's not the case - I just feel really loved and guided, even. It's crazy. God is good. He looks out for us. In fact, he looks into us (our hearts). In fact, He lives within us. Ahh! He is alive.
So, all this is to say, when something seems especially random and yet exceptionally good, I've been taught by experience to embrace it pretty quickly! It is freeing to live that way. It's almost foolish to live any other way.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Freedom and spring fever, comingled, in fact becoming one
What's up, friends in internetland? I'm sitting at Murky Coffee in Eastern Market just taking in the sunshine, iced coffee, and spring fever. There is enough spring fever to go around, as DC is currently hosting the throngs of pilgrims who come to enjoy the Cherry Blossom Festival. Might I say, they're beautiful, especially when surrounded in a massive sea of people unlike I have ever seen.
I am searching heart, soul, and mind to figure out "what I want to do with my life." Maybe that's the wrong way to look at it. Is it really "my" life? Is it really about "doing" things? Maybe it's more about who I am - being. Maybe it's more about the life of Christ, or my life hidden in him (same thing right?).
In any case, I consider these things amidst a very happy and free environment. Most people don't enjoy this freedom - maybe i ought to fight for their freedom instead of squandering mine by being lazy? Hmm.
Soul-searching on a Spring day...
I am searching heart, soul, and mind to figure out "what I want to do with my life." Maybe that's the wrong way to look at it. Is it really "my" life? Is it really about "doing" things? Maybe it's more about who I am - being. Maybe it's more about the life of Christ, or my life hidden in him (same thing right?).
In any case, I consider these things amidst a very happy and free environment. Most people don't enjoy this freedom - maybe i ought to fight for their freedom instead of squandering mine by being lazy? Hmm.
Soul-searching on a Spring day...
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