Strange and terrible

Last night I realized that I should have started a certain project WAY earlier... basically it was a massive media contact list for distributing a press release. I was going to distribute this baby about 8am this morning, but it wasn't until last night that I discovered what a mess the list was. Hours and hours of internet research got me far, but not nearly far enough. Finally at 2am I emailed my boss on that project and said am I being a perfectionist, should I just send it to whoever... or should we wait. He liked the idea of waiting and perfecting it. Sigh. So the good part about that, is where I thought I was going to wake up in a frenzy this morning to get it out, I actually am fine and just need to keep working on it.

Anyway when I was working on this last night, I was in a strange and terrible mood. Do you ever just... get out of whack? And it is (or seems) wholly impossible to get yourself back where you need to be. For me, I know what the circumstances were that made me feel that way... basically I thought two things (that I haven't mentioned) were going to work out, and neither one of them seem to be working out. Other times in life, two things you thought weren't going to work out DO and you get the opposite feeling... giddiness instead of despair.

I just hate getting in moods like that though. It makes me feel almost breathless and restless. It's like you can't get relief from your own self, from your mind. Not that anything is so terrible... I am talking about something very, very subtle. I just was putting it out there because sometimes I wonder if I am the only person who gets this way. It's a feeling of being trapped in wrongness in a way. Having to deal with something you'd rather ignore.

There's no sugar-coated, happy ending to this mini-story, but I will say that sleep is a real gift. Great is your faithfulness, Lord... it is new every morning.