To do, do, do

For some reason, I am destined to be a list-maker. I always have a to-do list... usually a few. I have one saved on my desktop that is 4 pages long. It is not well-organized but it is filled with everything: do taxes, look up concerts in North Carolina, finish the living water powerpoint, check into new subscriptions, buy tape and envelopes, request grad school information, order this book, read that book, write this, sell that, buy that, eff it. Hah. But yeah.

Anyway I just went through the notorious 4-pager and got to delete lots of it. It turns out that at least a page was full of remnants from my employment days. It's too bad because most of what I wanted to do would have been great if we had enough staff to do it. But I can't drive myself crazy like that, especially now that I'm not responsible for it. Well some parts I am still responsible for... el discernment is necessary.

I hate that the list never really gets shorter. Oh it might for awhile, but it grows long again.

I am doing okay socially working for myself and living alone, but in a mental way, sometimes I feel very alone with all the projects weighing on me... pressing in on me. Threatening to take away my PRECIOUS free time! :) I just think of all that people are expecting me to get done. And I wish no one expected anything of me individually... (like making enough money to pay the bills, and doing quality work, and being a law-abiding citizen). I wish that a family unit or church unit could be helping me out with everything. And then when I did do something individually, totally out of free will and pure joy, like create a piece of art or write a dead-on essay or just be able to take my sweet time in caring for one person, then they would credit me for it. Hah! That's kinda bad. I want none of the responsibility and all of the credit, is what this comes down to.