Images of Human Trafficking

Here is an excellent photography exhibit showing the real faces of men, women, and children who have been trafficked for sexual or labor exploitation. My organization works with the State Department's TIP Office, the creators of this site.

Repetition

Little known Jenny facts... I can do a full 45 minute workout (treadmill, elliptical, whatever) with just 1 song on repeat. In fact, I kinda like it that way. Sometimes 2 songs. Lately it's been "Over My Head." Helps me focus, strangely. A lot of Rent tracks are excellent for this, too. Most notably Out Tonight, Rent, and Another Day.

Hot Air Balloon Ride in CA

Please somebody take me on a hot air balloon ride. Preferably male and preferably confess your love to me and propose while were are up there. lol This looks really magical.

Demonic Puppy

I also love this. Makes me laugh. Even puppies have bad days, apparently.

FREAKIN cute

Oh... my... gosh. Baby hedgehog? God is so creative and (can be so) cutesy. I love this!

Tangier, Morocco

I love this photo because it reminds me that there are people in this world (billions of them) who have a totally different perspective than I do. It helps me get less caught up in my own hysteria. As my Dad says, "Everything is important - Nothing is important."

Beautiful smoke / incense / love

This is coooooool. Yeah for art.

Sensitive

Can you do anything to make yourself less sensitive? What provoked this is something my neighbor said, and it wasn't even a big deal, but it did hurt my feelings. Sometimes I am glad I am a sensitive person but other times, you know what, it just sucks. I wish I didn't care what people say or think. But if you seem to be extremely thin-skinned when it comes to stuff like that, is there any way to be changed? How do you stop your mind from dwelling on something? It goes back to whether we can be changed as people in general. I believe God can and does transform us in really deep and profound ways, but other times, I wonder which of our characteristics are so deep-seated that we will never overcome them. And maybe being sensitive isn't this 'bad' thing to 'overcome,' but sometimes it feels like it is. There seems to be great freedom in not letting what others say and do affect me, and I am pretty well addicted to freedom in all its forms. I hate wearing any sort of shackles.

Brotherly harassment

My parents gave me an ipod for my birthday, on the condition that I send my brother my extremely outdated ipod (2nd generation, according to Kyle who knows these things). Michael was thrilled to get it but connecting this antique to his computer was not simple. Back when they made that 2nd generation ipod, it was primarily for Macs and so connecting it to a PC is a huge pain in the a. So, for several weeks now, he has been taking the necessary steps to connect it to his computer and to his car stereo. Tonight, we had victory. For some reason he was really hyper and talking in an Indian accent (think quickie-mart) the whole time. I had him on speaker phone. I'm not sure if that was making his voice louder and inducing more of a headache in me, or if it was less harmful than having psychobrother in my ear. But I guess it was making it hard for him to hear cause he said "You have a deep voice. I can't understand you very well on this speaker phone." To which I said, "Shut up." To which he said, "You have a mannnnly voice." To which I laughed. And thought about strangling him. But fortunately for him, we are 1,549 miles apart. But actually I do wish I lived by him and Jess. And my parents. I'm not trying to get away from them being out here on the east coast... it's just the opportunities I've had by being willing to leave home. Originally the whole moving away from home thing was school and career oriented, and that's still part of it, but now it's about going where there is



All right, I admit there was no purpose to putting that photo there. I'm ashamed that I even spent time playing in Photoshop to produce it. HAH. No I'm not. In fact I will do a post on divine life soon (like I know so much about it, right...) and somehow the mountain goats will be integrated with that thought.

But back to my family, we have to stay close by talking on the phone a lot. But I do wish I could just hang out with my family whenever I felt like it...

ps. I am going to say the deep voice thing is related to extreme tiredness. Please tell me I do not have a manly voice!!! ahhh.

To do, do, do

For some reason, I am destined to be a list-maker. I always have a to-do list... usually a few. I have one saved on my desktop that is 4 pages long. It is not well-organized but it is filled with everything: do taxes, look up concerts in North Carolina, finish the living water powerpoint, check into new subscriptions, buy tape and envelopes, request grad school information, order this book, read that book, write this, sell that, buy that, eff it. Hah. But yeah.

Anyway I just went through the notorious 4-pager and got to delete lots of it. It turns out that at least a page was full of remnants from my employment days. It's too bad because most of what I wanted to do would have been great if we had enough staff to do it. But I can't drive myself crazy like that, especially now that I'm not responsible for it. Well some parts I am still responsible for... el discernment is necessary.

I hate that the list never really gets shorter. Oh it might for awhile, but it grows long again.

I am doing okay socially working for myself and living alone, but in a mental way, sometimes I feel very alone with all the projects weighing on me... pressing in on me. Threatening to take away my PRECIOUS free time! :) I just think of all that people are expecting me to get done. And I wish no one expected anything of me individually... (like making enough money to pay the bills, and doing quality work, and being a law-abiding citizen). I wish that a family unit or church unit could be helping me out with everything. And then when I did do something individually, totally out of free will and pure joy, like create a piece of art or write a dead-on essay or just be able to take my sweet time in caring for one person, then they would credit me for it. Hah! That's kinda bad. I want none of the responsibility and all of the credit, is what this comes down to.

Respeckt

So we're all big Regina Spektor fans now. I love the Fidelity song that plays on her myspace. Can we say April 16 at the 9:30 Club? Yeaaaaaa.

Sweepy

I'm extremely tired but I have a bajillion projects to work on. Well, at least 7 that are pressing. Dang it! I hate that feeling. I want to eat something but I don't think the energy I am needing is the kind that comes from food. Hmm.

I am tired but if we do go out tonight for St Pat's, you know I'm going. :) Self-discipline is so overrated...

Ask.com

The new ask.com is really amazing. What I love is that you can roll over the binoculars to get a preview snapshot of any webpage. Coooooool. I think Google was outdone for once. Did they not think of the idea, or were they just beat to the punch?

Uxorious

uxorious \uk-SOR-ee-us; ug-ZOR-\, adjective:
Excessively fond of or submissive to a wife.

I can't believe that a word is needed for that.

Can I get a uxorious man? :)

Sing while you still can

I wished I was smarter
I wished I was stronger
I wished I loved Jesus
The way my wife does

I wished it had been easier
Instead of any longer
I wished I could have stood, where you would have been proud
But that won't happen now
That won't happen now

There's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word, somehow...
I think I broke the wings off that little songbird
And now she's never gonna fly to the top of the world now...
To the top of the world

I don't have to answer any of these questions
I don't have no guide to teach me no lessons
I'd come home in the evening, sit in my chair
One night they called me for supper, but I never got up
I stayed right there in my chair

There's a whole lot of singing that's never gonna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word, somehow...
I think I broke the wings off that little songbird
And now she's never gonna fly to the top of the world now...
To the top of the world

I wish I'd have known you
I wish I'd have shown you
All of the things I was on the inside
I'd pretend to be sleeping when you'd come in in the morning
To whisper goodbye and go to work in the rain
I don't know why
Don't know why

Cause everyone's singing
We just wanna be heard
Disappearing everyday without so much as a word somehow...
I wanna grab ahold of that little songbird
Take her for a ride to the top of the world right now...
To the top of the world
Ohhh

(Patty Griffin, Top of the World)

Blessed

More work miraculously fell into my lap today. I feel strangely blessed... in a freaky, tingly kind of way. Seriously. I did nothing to earn this project, and it's a great one! Not only do I have this great project to work on, but today I was basically offered a job in Colorado Springs and another job in Missouri. I am not going to be moving anywhere (NO! lol I like my new home!) but there's no flattery like two job offers in one day. Hahaha! I also don't want to give up the flexibility of freelancing. I am drunkkkkkkkkkk on it. I don't ever want to go back to working for Tha Man. Well, maybe someday, but not now.

Philip, I don't think you check my blog, but sometimes I check yours, and I saw you were listening to Patty Griffin, and then I impulsively bought her Impossible Dream CD on iTunes, and I've been listening to it non-stop for about 24 hours now.

Beeeeeeeeeeeautiful.

This review on iTunes is so accurate: "A beautiful heartbreaker. This record is a little masterpiece that can make you ache in the loveliest way imaginable. Patty Griffin brings you with her to unexpected, dark, quiet places in her songs."

Adventures in grocery shopping

So, last night I was looking for my shoes and my purse. I was almost ready to walk out the door to get a chai and go to a bookstore for a couple hours. But while I was in my hallway, I heard the sweetest little voice yell "Jennnnnnnnnyyyyyyy!" I knew it was Gilly (Gillian), my neighbor Bertha's 4 year old daughter. So I went to the window and looked down, and there she was smiling. She seemed delighted I responded to her call by coming to my 2nd floor window and saying "yes??" Haha. She said "Honey (her Grandma Bertha) wants to know if you'll take us to the store." I said sure, and thus commenced a very crazy adventure.

Let me tell you. It is something to stop by a grocery store by yourself, and something quite different to take an 82 year old woman (who was just released from the hospital for a hip injury) and her 4 year old granddaughter. It involved a walker, a mini-van, a child's car-seat, one of those motorized driving grocery carts in the store, and a lot of fussing! Well, I loved being there with Gilly. We even got her a tiny kid-sized cart (that she loved, of course). But Bertha was being really particular about everything. "Oh no I don't want to get that here... I want to get that at Food Lion. Oh I only get that at Sam's. Those are much cheaper at Harris Teeter; we'll have to go there." I am of the mind that for most things, just get it all together! You factor in gas and time (which, yes, is worth something) and all of that headache becomes... well, even more of a headache.

Near the end of this brouhaha, a guy was helping us find the chicken on sale, and he ended up hitting on me. That made me feel pretty good. Are you desperate when you get an extreme boost of confidence when the meat department guy checks you out and tries to hook up? lol Well he was cute, but I just don't know about stuff like that. Situations like that are messy for girls.

Anyway, so we got home, and I just felt like I needed to get back into my personal space ASAP and so I did. Then my friend and sister Amanda came over with a friend of hers from high school. It was great to meet him, but I have to admit I was caught off guard. This guy is Army Special Forces, and somehow, within 3 minutes of meeting, we were into a violent debate about Iraq. Whassap with that? I felt sort of assaulted... seriously. I had this chill perspective and was just relaxing from The Great Grocery Adventure and then he came into my life. However, seconds before freaking out, I realized that he just really loved debating and derived energy from it. So then I started to appreciate him more (it was cute how passionate he was getting). So that was just like this 30 minute hurricane that blew through my house. I thought he was (very wrongly) pigeonholing me as a liberal and an ungrateful, unpatriotic person. He said he wasn't. I guess we'll have to trust him on that. :) [I do think the war is a very nuanced, complex thing. I don't see it in right or wrong, yes or no. But that's just me.]

Then, I went to get a chai and went to Borders. lol PHewwwwwwww.

ps. I really just wanted to post all this so I could show you guys the picture I took with my camera phone. Heheheeeeee. Cute huh?

Needing disappointment?

I have noticed that when I am generally happy with life, it is extremely difficult to write anything meaningful. More than that, it is difficult to even have meaningful thoughts. It is even a little hard to pray. Very strange. I guess I just have to go with the flow cause I wouldn't want to be happy but shallow forever, but I also wouldn't want to be sad yet profound all the time. But why does it work that way? Why does God need to break us (or so it seems) before we can have any kind of breakthrough? Why is there joy in sorrow, or strength in weakness? What's so great about reaching our end? Is it because once I get to the end of me, I can begin to be in something (someone) infinite?

Produce... how I love thee

I just discovered the NC State Farmer's Market. Farmers' markets in general are somewhere in my top 10 list of things I am hopelessly in love with (along with things such as chocolate, sunshine, fall, and San Francisco). I have been missing my fresh produce hub in DC (Eastern Market) but this is a great replacement one, I think. It is much more spacious. Well it's much huger in general. Yes, huger. Where Eastern Market was urban and hip, the NC Market is more country. But just as fresh! And the people are exceptionally friendly. You will not be addressed unless 'sweetie' or 'honey' is at the beginning of the sentence, end, or maybe even both places. Or there's always "shoog." I'm not sure how to spell that, but it's 'sugar' with even more affection. I got tomatoes, green and red peppers, apples, oranges, cucumber, orange slice candy, and roasted peanuts. Oh and a trail mix, and strawberry rhubarb jam for my friend. I also had a fresh flounder sandwich with coleslaw. Yummmmm.

Where I breathe best

Just returned tonight from a 48 hour business trip to DC.

I am sooooooo glad to be home. I am really glad I moved. I love my people there, but as far as the city, something in me has become fundamentally incompatible with it. I had a headache almost the entire time I was there. I involuntarily adopt terrible, unhealthy habits when I am there... it's probably just my former office (that I hate hate hate) and all the stress of work... I don't know. But being in DC, even though I love DC in a lot of ways, it just has this heaviness for me.

All I can tell you is that for every mile I drove on I-95 South, I felt that much better, and healthier, and happier. I guess I am not the city girl I thought I was. I'm from the country and I like it like that. :) No, not the country, just the Midwest... regular houses, on the fringe of mid-sized towns... that's where I can breathe. I love open spaces. It is really good to be finding these things out about myself.

Once I started to pull into our area of Raleigh, I had the windows down and the sunroof open (well it was nighttime) and the air is so warm and fresh, and you can see the stars, and I just feel so happy. It is good for me to be where I am.

Sorry this has been all about me lately. I have these great ideas for spouting universal truths but once I sit down to actually post, I sort of just feel introspective and thankful and can only start with where I am at in this moment. I guess I've trained myself to freewrite about personal stuff before I can get into anything else. Anyway, all that to say, sorry for nothing profound tonight. What can I say.... I love fresh air and stars.

I also hope we go to the beach soon. I live in NC and I haven't been to the beach yet! I am going to see if Curt, Drew, and Amanda will go with me to see a sunrise on the beach in the next few days. That would be fun eh?