Colorado

So I'm staying at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs. There is no way to overestimate or exaggerate the grandeur of this place. It is a 5 star, 5 diamond resort with 1600 employees and 700 rooms. 14 restaurants. Lots of buildings with a lake and a footbridge in between. This place DEFINES "nestled in the mountains." It's so close to the Rockies that you can't see Pike's Peak only because the foothills are blocking it when you're this close.

This... is... INSANE. And really wonderful in a lot of ways.

But if you know me, you know that money is a huge hang-up for me in terms of my faith and I'm not sure how to explain that except to say, God made me in a way that when I am near lots of wealth and luxury, I start to feel really guilty. I can mostly enjoy it, but I just think of the lavishness and decadence and feel very.... reflective about it all. My friend Susan (hi Susan!! :) was here with me last night, which was awesome, and we were saying how we love to enjoy this but it's a little scary to get used to it. You have to remember this isn't normal. Most of the world lives in poverty and here I drop $20 just in tips just to get from the airport into my hotel room.

Anyway, the first night I was here, the hotel gave me a 3-tiered tray of cheese and crackers, fruit, and chocolates. Oh and two glasses and fancy schmancy water. We thought it was gonna taste amazing but it was just water. hehe. Anyway that was incredible. (I think it was to thank me for being in the role of group coordinator.) And tonight I came into my room (... I'm getting to a point with all this, so stick with me) and there was, well the usual covers turned down, chocolates on the white sheets, robes laying across the bed. But also I got a gift basket from one of our Board members, the one who lives here and is hosting this. Anyway, it was an amazing, amazing gift basket full of stuff. But I guess what really got me was his letter inside. He thanked me for the friendship and said he was glad or honored or something, to work alongside me "as we seek to give help to the poor and hope to the lost." (Which, btw, surprisingly is what this meeting and this organization is all about.)

What hit me about that is not so much this weekend and this hotel, but I have recently forgotten that as a Christ-follower my life is not about ME. It is not about looking out for me. Obviously God has got that MORE than taken care of! But lately in all my starting my own business and moving stuff, I have focused so much on looking out for numero uno. When I think about projects or potential clients, all I can think about is making a good income off of it. And I think about how much I'll have to get to have any furniture at all in my apartment. In one way I can be detached from all that and be so content, but other times I worry that I am a materialist. Blah. Well again, the point is, it's not about me. And I felt really convicted reading that, like... why is my mind so focused on ensuring my own livelihood in the world? It's a somewhat natural thought but I just want to be freed from it, to whatever degree is reasonable. I want to think again about how I can help other people. I don't want to live off of all the built up cynicism about the problem being too big, or the people being too deceitful or complex, or whatever else keeps me away from opening my life to people in need.

I want to hang on really loosely not only to my possessions, but also to my WANTS (which have an even greater hold over me) and to my THOUGHTS OF MYSELF. These things can really enslave. I want to be free to have luxury or have nothing at all. And I want to enjoy luxury without guilt, and poverty without fear. Everything has a season, right? Pride doesn't fit into the equation.

Anyway... enough of my twisted mind. I am really so happy to be here. This is the best Board meeting we have had, I can tell already. Maybe it's just that I feel really at peace about it. When I got to this place, I just said... wow, the headache was all worth it. Dealing with the print nazi woman. lol Frustrating non-responses from people, etc. Today I have the ideal job. And I am really thankful.