Movin' right along...

It's funny, because for several weeks or maybe more, I have been subconsciously imagining all that would happen from my Dad coming to DC, to packing up and moving, to him leaving, and me staying here in my new place with my new apartment and my new friends and my new dreams and my new challenges and my new frontier. The one thing I could never foresee was how it would all feel in my gut, once things started to settle down and I began to settle in.

Thankfully, my gut says YAY. :)

Moving here to North Carolina was definitely the right next step for me. I had to make this change, and everything is this exciting new FIRST! The biggest grace of the whole situation is that this decision almost made itself, or maybe it just seems like that in retrospect, maybe it was harder than I remember, but definitely all the odds and ends in my life were wrapping up and pointing me in this direction. It seems like that's how God's will should work, so I have to give credit to Him for that, because it's much more common to hear people trying to figure out what they should do and totally struggling with any sense of direction from on high. (Is giving God credit for something pretentious? lol It's the same as giving glory, right? So, mad props to tha Lord. : )

I am currently lying on the floor in the living room... facing the balcony doors which are streaming in sunlight, and the Christmas tree I just put up last night, though it doesn't have any decorations on it yet. The floor is pretty much a total mess with pieces of wood and nails and screws and tools. I have four more pieces of furniture together, and can I just say I SUCK at putting stuff together?! The latest thing I tried around midnight last night was a little two-drawer file cabinet. Because one particular screw type thing is being uncooperative, the whole thing actually slants if you push it. lol I gotta start over or something. I dunno. The desk and the big bookcase, I'm not sure that I will even try. The easy bookcase (that I just took apart) would be fine for me except that I can't find the bag of screws for that one. Hah! Everything is slower right now, takes longer to find, longer to do. The main thing I accomplished yesterday was cleaning and organizing the kitchen. Everything is put away and very, very happy. I quite like my apartment!!

Last night Curt, Drew, Amanda, and I went out to dinner at this pub in downtown Raleigh. It was our celebration dinner, for all of us being here. They are really fun conversationalists, I have to say... especially Drew who is indeed very well read and is a bit like a walking Wikipedia. And Curt is so sincere and caring that you feel very valued. Same thing with Amanda, and she can be pretty funny. I think things are off to a great start.

Today I'm gonna throw out all the trash and boxes in here, do a little more shopping, create a work calendar and goals, and see if I can find a gym in the area.

YES

I got one idea that I'm especially psyched out of my mind about. You know, it's one of those ideas where you're just like............. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-my favorite line from the movie Elf. i guess you have to see it to fully appreciate.

HAH! This movie is funny.

S n o w !

It's snowinggggggggggggggggg!

First snow of the season!!!!!!! Ohhh glory. Glorrrrrrious.. My glorious... and all you ever do... is change the old for new: PEOPLE!!!!!! We be-lieve that God.. is bigger than..

ok, no, back to the snow.

It's so pretty and Thanksgiving eve? Muy happy.

Chavez helps US poor people

Whoa! This is unbelievable. I don't know what to make of it yet:

Venezuela's Chavez to Offer Help to U.S. Poor

Wow. Oil and profits, kinda sorta used for good... but also being wielded as diplomatic power. Not sure what to think.

The Future and the Present

Do you ever really think about your future? Your life and inevitable death? Will you die a quick death... a slow, painful death... or a beautiful painless death with all your loved ones surrounding you? Who in your family will die way before their time? Here, I'll make this personal, cause these really are my questions. Will I marry someone, and if so will it be soon or many years from now? How many kids will I have and will they look a lot like me? How many careers or fields will I venture into, things I never thought I'd do? Things I can't even imagine myself doing in my mind right now. Are there any things that I'll never try but have an unspeakable gift for - like drawing or painting, playing the violin or drums, quickly picking up a certain foreign language, easily breaking the code to cure a disease or solve a massive problem of diplomacy? What bandwagons will I jump on, and why? What will be the next thing to make me cry uncontrollably, as I haven't done since I was a kid, or laugh so hard that I pee my pants? Ha. What friends will I make that right now, I've never met, but someday I won't be able to imagine living without? So many questions about so many unlived years... What prompts these questions is that in so many ways, I am blessed and really happy. But things could change drastically in a minute. One bad phone call, one fall, one bomb, one thing... and everything will change. Not necessarily for the worse, but those things are easier to imagine!

But then I think about the present. It's like that old Van Halen video, with all the words going across the screen, reminding us what a big, wide world we're apart of. Right now someone is having a baby, and right now someone just watched their baby die in their arms. Right now, somewhere, a village is getting clean water from a well for the first time ever. Right now a person is so thirsty they are indeed dying. Right now someone just wrote their first song, someone just baked their first batch of cookies, took their first step. Right now someone took their last step ever, just said goodbye to a friend who will never again come back into their life. Right now someone got their dream job. Right now someone just found out they lost their job. Right now someone is murdering, and someone is being murdered, senselessly, another victim of human passion and rage. Right now someone is sitting behind the wheel of a car driving, and someone is in a canoe, and someone is skiing on one of the world's tallest mountains. Right now someone is falling down. Right now someone is so high that its illegal! Right now more than 6 billion different souls are inhabiting one world. So much goes on every minute, every right now. You should try this little mental exercise sometime. It's has an effect similar to what you feel after listing out the things you're thankful for... makes you rest in awe and smallness. When you're this small, nothing is quite so scary or lonely or stressful. And all the good things that come your way feel like love and life.

Amanda and Julia, a couple weeks ago

Me with Amanda, my new best friend in NC!, and Julia, my really good amazing friend here in DC. This is from the exploratory trip I took a few weeks ago...and now, we are 5 days away from moving day.

I planned this week totally around social time and packing. It only occurred to me late last night that I also am supposed to be logging 20 hours this week for work. Yikes! Don't know how that got out of my mind but in all my slacking, it somehow did. :)

This past weekend was, hmm... let's call it the Wheaton Friends Marathon. It started with dinner Friday night, and included an ad hoc sleepover, the Homeless Walkathon in DC, lunch at a Bolivian restaurant, shopping and other ways of killing time at the mall, and the new Harry Potter movie!!!!! I love my college friends. They are the greatest. [sigh]

PS. There are more NC photos on my Flickr. Can I just say I LOVE Flickr? When you start exploring around, you found the most amazing, amazing photos from all around the world. Everyday they pick the 5 best. It's just incredible. You can download (for free) big versions of them too (think desktop backgrounds and the like).

Starts With Goodbye

My moving song has been identified!!! OK this is actually written as a break-up song.. uhh.. but let's pretend it's Jenny's moving song.

I guess it's gonna have to hurt
I guess I'm gonna have to cry
And let go of some things I've loved to get to the other side
I guess it's gonna bring me down
Like falling when you try to fly
It's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye...

I know there's a blue horizon
Somewhere up ahead just waiting for me
Getting there means leaving things behind
Sometimes life's so bittersweet

I guess it's gonna have to hurt...
But sometimes moving on with the rest of your life
Starts with goodbye.

(Starts With Goodbye, Carrie Underwood)

Cool eee ohhh

Hey! What ever happened to Coolio? lol

"C u when you get therrrrrre... c u when you get theeeere..."

"on a faaaantastic voyage..."

"gotta gotta get up to get down... gotta gotta get up to get down "

I mean, this man brought us all the classics of the mid-90s!

Actually the songs kinda give me bad memories in a way. lol But he hadn't crossed my mind for forever until today.

Laptops for children

The Washington Post featured the MIT $100 Laptop initiative today, and I just want to say I think it's very cool and very creative. How cool would it be to distribute these to children in the poorest places on the earth, and teach them all kinds of things, including how to type, surf the web, and write essays! Man, I just think it is soooo cool.

Thanksgiving shoes

Sandi (my boss's wife, my friend, and my adopted aunt) and I went shopping yesterday. I was looking for shoes. Never found any (I hate shoe shopping!!). But we coined a new term:

Thanksgiving shoes. tha[ng](k)s-'gi-vi[ng] shooz. Noun.
Exceedingly comfortable shoes, as such that you may wear around your house, porch, and backyard on the Thanksgiving holiday while lounging with family. Typically come in neutral colors such as brown, beige, grey, or possibly calming shades of green or blue.

All I like buying and wearing are Thanksgiving shoes. : ) Down with heels!

Colorado

So I'm staying at The Broadmoor in Colorado Springs. There is no way to overestimate or exaggerate the grandeur of this place. It is a 5 star, 5 diamond resort with 1600 employees and 700 rooms. 14 restaurants. Lots of buildings with a lake and a footbridge in between. This place DEFINES "nestled in the mountains." It's so close to the Rockies that you can't see Pike's Peak only because the foothills are blocking it when you're this close.

This... is... INSANE. And really wonderful in a lot of ways.

But if you know me, you know that money is a huge hang-up for me in terms of my faith and I'm not sure how to explain that except to say, God made me in a way that when I am near lots of wealth and luxury, I start to feel really guilty. I can mostly enjoy it, but I just think of the lavishness and decadence and feel very.... reflective about it all. My friend Susan (hi Susan!! :) was here with me last night, which was awesome, and we were saying how we love to enjoy this but it's a little scary to get used to it. You have to remember this isn't normal. Most of the world lives in poverty and here I drop $20 just in tips just to get from the airport into my hotel room.

Anyway, the first night I was here, the hotel gave me a 3-tiered tray of cheese and crackers, fruit, and chocolates. Oh and two glasses and fancy schmancy water. We thought it was gonna taste amazing but it was just water. hehe. Anyway that was incredible. (I think it was to thank me for being in the role of group coordinator.) And tonight I came into my room (... I'm getting to a point with all this, so stick with me) and there was, well the usual covers turned down, chocolates on the white sheets, robes laying across the bed. But also I got a gift basket from one of our Board members, the one who lives here and is hosting this. Anyway, it was an amazing, amazing gift basket full of stuff. But I guess what really got me was his letter inside. He thanked me for the friendship and said he was glad or honored or something, to work alongside me "as we seek to give help to the poor and hope to the lost." (Which, btw, surprisingly is what this meeting and this organization is all about.)

What hit me about that is not so much this weekend and this hotel, but I have recently forgotten that as a Christ-follower my life is not about ME. It is not about looking out for me. Obviously God has got that MORE than taken care of! But lately in all my starting my own business and moving stuff, I have focused so much on looking out for numero uno. When I think about projects or potential clients, all I can think about is making a good income off of it. And I think about how much I'll have to get to have any furniture at all in my apartment. In one way I can be detached from all that and be so content, but other times I worry that I am a materialist. Blah. Well again, the point is, it's not about me. And I felt really convicted reading that, like... why is my mind so focused on ensuring my own livelihood in the world? It's a somewhat natural thought but I just want to be freed from it, to whatever degree is reasonable. I want to think again about how I can help other people. I don't want to live off of all the built up cynicism about the problem being too big, or the people being too deceitful or complex, or whatever else keeps me away from opening my life to people in need.

I want to hang on really loosely not only to my possessions, but also to my WANTS (which have an even greater hold over me) and to my THOUGHTS OF MYSELF. These things can really enslave. I want to be free to have luxury or have nothing at all. And I want to enjoy luxury without guilt, and poverty without fear. Everything has a season, right? Pride doesn't fit into the equation.

Anyway... enough of my twisted mind. I am really so happy to be here. This is the best Board meeting we have had, I can tell already. Maybe it's just that I feel really at peace about it. When I got to this place, I just said... wow, the headache was all worth it. Dealing with the print nazi woman. lol Frustrating non-responses from people, etc. Today I have the ideal job. And I am really thankful.

Science and poetry

I like this quote:

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite.
Paul Dirac

It's interesting. So this guy thinks poetry is more about telling people what they already know, but in subtle or mysterious ways? I guess I could agree or disagree with that. I like the quote though. I don't know if poets are so much trying to say something in a way that is difficult to understand, as they're just saying things in the most raw and personal way, and if that takes some time the translation process (from one unique soul to another) then you could call that not understandable... but it's actually very clear in a way.

And to add another layer to this thought, my Dad said (and i think he heard from someone) the belief that we can't really tell someone anything that they don't already know. In other words, the person you're telling must have already grasped the truth of what you're saying. They have to be ready to receive it, in a way. The space for the new idea or thought has already been made. I don't know what I think about that but I like that idea too.

Too good to be true

NO way! Can it be true? Kaine won?!! It has been so long since Democrats have won anything substantial that I really didn't see the possibility... lol

I'M HAPPY! I really like this guy. YEAH for renewed hope in politics. Let the proverbial pendulum begin swinging!

And for you Republican friends of mine out there, I have no sympathy for you! lol Your monopoly of power must end! I love you but... I need my five minutes of joy here. Thank you.

Magical Movie

You have to see this movie. It is so magical and inspiring. Diana and I watched it last night... I really, really loved it. That's all I have to say about that. Go to your nearest Hollywood Video or Blockbuster or what have you and rent it tonight!

This kid sees saints from throughout the ages. He hangs out with them. lol He knows their exact birth and death dates. Anyway here is a picture of Claire of Assisi who hangs out with him in his refrigerator box fort in a field. hehe. Yes, she is smoking. Apparently you can do that in heaven.

PS. I recommend putting on subtitles. It may be English, but I'm still slow with the British accent. lol You'll catch a lot more this way.

What a sicko.

Cheney Fights for Detainee Policy (Washington Post, today)

Over the past year, Vice President Cheney has waged an intense and largely unpublicized campaign to stop Congress, the Pentagon and the State Department from imposing more restrictive rules on the handling of terrorist suspects, according to defense, state, intelligence and congressional officials...

...Just last week, Cheney showed up at a Republican senatorial luncheon to lobby lawmakers for a CIA exemption to an amendment by Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) that would ban torture and inhumane treatment of prisoners. The exemption would cover the CIA's covert "black sites" in several Eastern European democracies and other countries where key al Qaeda captives are being kept.

So, I don't know why I keep blogging on detainne policy and torture. I didn't set out to do it, but this stuff really, really, really, really bothers me. It gets me angry enough to sign in and post. What is the possible rationale for fighting for the right to torture detainees at secret prisons in Eastern Europe? To make us safer? This policy itself is making us infinitely less safe because it angers, provokes, threatens, frustrates, annoys, and insults other nations, and it undermines all that we are trying to do (stand up for freedom and human dignity). You cannot pave the way for human dignity by abusing humans.

I've also been following, to some degree, what's happening at Guantanomo. Have you been reading about Jumah Dossari? Most recent suicide attempt, out of 36 that have occurred. None of the suicide attempts have been successful. Most of the 500 detainees at Gitmo have not been charged with a crime. Many have been held in solitary confinement 24/7 for multiple years.

I am all for upholding justice and cracking down on crime and putting an end to terrorism. But perpetuating injustice makes us very, very unsafe.

Who We Are

It doesn't really matter what you wear - let the people stare, cause we are who we are who we are who we are. It doesn't really matter what car you drive - it's good to be alive. Yeah, we are who we are who we are who we are - we are.

(Hope Partlow, Who We Are)

Forgotten?

The Forgotten of Africa:
Wasting Away in Jails without Trial

What an outrage. I am so glad a major newspaper is covering this.

At Muala Prison in Malawi, the prisoners sleep on the floor, so tightly packed they cannot turn except en masse. Some cells hold 160 prisoners.

Never not anything

When I was working full-time, I was pretty much 9 to 5. When I was done with work, I was done with work, and I played. I liked it. Now, I set my own goals and hours. Let me just put it this way:

There's never not something to do!

Always there's something on my computer to do (expenses, website, brochures, make contacts, stay up on email, etc.) Always there's a mess in my room that needs cleaning up. I'm not complaining at all. I could not be any more happy about my new self-employed status. I think it is turning out to be an AMAZING fit for my flexiblity-loving personal work style. I guess this is more of a sanity call to myself, because between the career shift and preparing to move to another state, it's easy to feel that the work is never-ending. Work I really, really enjoy but still neverending. I guess I am just saying it makes sense given the circumstances.

I keep fighting the urge to start packing. It's not that I want to get out of here, cause I'm not in a rush to leave (it's sad, y'know?) and I definitely don't want to be living out of boxes for a month. But I think it will help me get organized, and in fact maybe even free up some space? Hmm. It's not a bad idea. I might start packing up books and out-of-season clothes tomorrow.

I like this moving in November thing. lol It seems like such a good time of year to move. No sweltering heat. No mad rush on free boxes.

Signs of health

5 Signs of a Growing Christian...

Connecting in big and small groups. This is Fellowship.
Growing in grace and truth. This is Discipleship.
Giving everything to God. This is Worship.
Reaching out in every way God nudges us. This is Evangelism.
Serving as the least of these to even the least of these. This is Ministry.

Just read this from the pastor at the church I was part of in Minnesota. I really liked it... I like getting away from narrow understandings of worship and ministry (and everything else).

Tip for writers

"Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be."

Mark Twain

Sesame seeds

What is the point of sesame seeds?

Anyone? Anyone? Beuler...?

She's Somebody's Hero

This song makes me cry! It is so beautiful. Actually what I like is the depiction of totally selfless love, and the fact that the end is a picture of my mom. When my mom cares for elderly people in her life... I just have to say there is nothing more beautiful in the entire world. She is like this just... love embodied, when she visits with or cares for elderly people. It makes me cry just thinking about it.

She's never pulled anyone from a burning building
She's never rocked Central Park to a half a million fans, screaming out her name
She's never hit a shot to win the game
She's never left her footprints on the moon
She's never made a solo hot air balloon ride, around the world,
No, she's just your everyday average girl but

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her baby with a skinned up knee
A little kiss is all she needs
The keeper of the cheerios
The voice that brings Snow White to life
Bedtime stories every night
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

She didn't get a check every week like a nine-to fiver
But she's been a waiter, and a cook and a taxi driver
For twenty years, there at home, until the day her girl was grown
Giving all her love to her was her life's ambition
But now her baby's movin' on, and she'll soon be missin' her
But not today, those are tears of joy runnin' down her face

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her daughter in her wedding dress
She gave her wings to leave the nest
It hurts to let her baby go down the aisle she walks right by
Looks back into her mother's eyes
And that smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

Thirty years have flown right past
Her daughters' starin' at all the photographs
Of her mother, and she wishes she could be like that
Oh, but she already is

She's somebody's hero
A hero to her mother in a rockin' chair
She runs a brush through her silver hair
The envy of the nursing home
She drops by every afternoon
Feeds her mama with a spoon
And that smile lets her know
Her mother's smile lets her know
She's somebody's hero

(Jamie O'Neal, Somebody's Hero)

Backdrop for a good day

I just went for a bike ride - the first one in months - along our bike path. On the way back, I stopped at a couple of those little exercise/stretching stations... you know where they have you touch you toes or walk on your hands and other contortionist positions. : ) Well anyway, it is like 60 degrees and sunny this November 2. I laid down on this tilted board bench, and smiiiiiiiiiiiiiiled. It is a gloriously beautiful day. I stared at the blue sky for as long as possible. I contemplated whether I was actually able to see atoms bouncing around, or just dust particles reflecting light. Either way it is a magical and perfect day outside.