Revealed

Okay, I don't know if I can be a blogger. Does anyone else have this problem? Usually when I write something, I write for me, and so it's uncensored. When you come on here, you have to censor yourself a little. I'm all for transparency, but come on, you really cannot lay it all out there. How do you write a little of what matters but not everything? And isn't it kind of distancing when people are finding out about your life indirectly yet you never actually talk to them about it? You no longer know what people know about you.

And the other really challenging part is that in real life, I can control who sees what side of me. I am one way with my parents, and slightly different at work, and slightly different on a Friday night with friends, and slightly different on a Sunday afternoon with cousins, etc. Now I can hear you saying that's shady, shallow, etc. but I think it's just natural, mostly (not entirely, but mostly). Different people bring out different sides of you. Some people bring out what you consider your best side, some people have a way of bringing out the worst. Some people draw you out in honesty, almost like they're provoking you to clarity, to be true, while other people confuse you and you come away from time with them wondering who you are. I guess what I'm saying, is that it's risky to be one person all the time. I'm all for it but a little scared of it.

Even saying all this here makes me nervous. What's up with that?

Elicia just freaked me out about "I can't believe you said that in your blog!!" I was like what? Said what? OH NO WHAT DID I SAY!! She was just being a punk, it turned out :) but these are the things that scare me away from that which is the blog.